Murder At The Banquet
by SuperGravyMan
Summary: A murderer hides among a group of detectives. Can they find him before it's too late? Can Alex & Mitchie stop fighting long enough to get together? Who knows... F/F
1. Chapter 1

Murder at the Banquet

**OK, so I told you guys about this like a month ago, but I've finally gotten around to writing it. Good thing too, what with our performance on the 13th, and the day I'm writing this being the 9th. Anyway, for those that don't know, this is based on the play my drama class is doing. I'd also like to thank Evangeline Vera, who finally motivated me to get this started, and DREAFLO09, who gave me the idea in the first place. This should be around a chapter for each scene, so probably three. Italics symbolize sarcasm or just general emphasis. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story or the play it's from. Robert Lavohn wrote the original script. I was an actor in it though. I had Alex's part.**

First, a cast list:

Mitchie Torres- a young detective with a grudge. Descendant of Dr. Watson

Claudette Pindu- a French sleuth

Agatha Preakness- an aging British mystery solver

Alex Russo- a flippant young detective. Descendant of Sherlock Holmes

Wanda Winters- a seeming airhead

Jack Diamond- a gumshoe past his prime

Chief Harley Stanton- a hillbilly sheriff

Nathan Wimberly- the upper crust British man

Assorted Waiters

~Scene one~

Everyone slowly entered the hall. It was to be a small gathering, just a few of the nominees were left. Tonight the award would be presented. They started to sit, Alex, Wanda, Jack, and Agatha at one table, Mr. Wimberly, Claudette Pindu, and Chief Stanton at the other head table. A few scattered audience members were seated below their platform. All were happily chatting until Wimberly tapped his spoon on his glass and moved to the podium in the middle.

"Good evening. My name is Nathan Wimberly. As the president of the International Association of Mystery Solvers, it is my pleasure to welcome you to this, our First Annual Mystery Solver Hall of Fame Induction Banquet. As you know, tonight we announce which of our three finalists will be our first Hall of Fame inductee. The winner will receive a handsome plaque, and a bronze bust will be placed in our Hall of Fame. Also, the Hall of Fame inductee will receive one quarter of a million dollars in gold Krugerands."

As he got to this point in his speech, a waiter noisily dropped a tray behind him. Everyone turned to look at her before slowly turning back to Wimberly.

"Ahem," he continued, "I would also like to note that this is a special night for me as well. After many years of service, I am stepping down as president of the IAMS to enjoy a long awaited retirement." His tone became sharper and he sounded quite annoyed as he proceeded, "Our finalists will be introduced by the current vice president of the IAMS, and your next president, Ms. Claudette Pindu. Ms. Pindu has been heading up the rewriting of our constitution. Among the changes she's sponsored has been the two term limit for presidents, which explains why I am retiring. Ms. Pindu, if you will introduce the finalists, please." He then returned to his seat, all the while glaring at the woman who was taking his place, whether at podiums or in organizations.

"Thank you so much, Captain Wimberly. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say how sorry we are that you'll be leaving us." He rolled his eyes. "Before tonight's award is presented, I will briefly introduce each of the finalists and ask each of them to say a few words. Our first finalist is Mrs. Agatha Preakness, who has solved over 700 murders in her lengthy career. She is considered Great Britain's most famous living detective. Mrs. Preakness celebrated her ninety-eighth birthday just last week. Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. Agatha Preakness!" Everyone in attendance clapped respectfully, including Mrs. Preakness. Claudette seemed surprised for a moment before regaining her composure. "Uh... Mrs. Agatha Preakness! …Ahem! Mrs. Preakness!" She bent down to the old woman's ear, "Mrs. Preakness, it's time for you to give a speech!"

"A peach? No thank you dear. But a nice bowl of guacamole would be just ducky."

"Mrs. Preakness, you're supposed to give a _speech _to the audience."

"Oh, certainly dear. But I can't do it while you're standing in my way, now can I? Be a good girl and go get me some guacamole." She then stood and hobbled towards the podium. "My dear colleagues, after seven decades of solving various murders everywhere from Austria to Zimbabwe, I never thought a day as auspicious as this would arrive. I am reminded of the words of my Great-Aunt Winifred." With that, she hobbled back to her chair, the others clapping hesitantly.

Claudette stepped back up. "Th-thank you, Mrs. Preakness. Our next finalist-"

"Dear, did you get my guacamole?"

"No, not yet Mrs. Preakness. Our next finalist-"

"There is simply nothing better than a nice bowl of guacamole."

Claudette laughed accommodatingly, somewhat annoyed. "Our next finalist-"

Agatha turned to Jack Diamond at her right. "Gracious, they invite you to be guest of honor and they can't even procure a simple bowl of guacamole!"

Claudette, clearly frustrated now, growled, "I will get your guacamole in a minute, but right now I need to introduce the next finalist!"

"And a few crackers off to the side, if you don't mind."

Claudette rolled her eyes. "Oui, crackers. _Certainly _couldn't forget the crackers." She shook her head. "Our next finalist has worked out of San Francisco for the past fifty years. He achieved prominence by solving the case of the Maltese Pigeon in 1948. He is accompanied by his secretary, Ms. Wanda Winter. Now that Mr. Diamond has officially retired, Ms. Winter will help him compile his memoirs of over five decades as a private detective. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Diamond!"

The man in question, in his mid-seventies, moved to the podium, peering side to side before leaning casually on it. "Thank youse all. I been a private eye for longer than mosta youse guys have been alive. And I can tell ya, it ain't the same as it used to be. Back in my day, if you wanted information from a stoolie, you'd just hang him on a coat rack and threaten to fill him full of hot lead if he didn't squeal. Nowadays, you gotta obey laws and stuff. Why, you can't even smoke anymore. I been smoking for fifty years and it never hurt me-" He paused to cough harshly into his elbow- "Never hurt me any."

Claudette moved to help him down. "Thank you Mr. Diamond."

He shoved her back, her looking quite offended. "Get your paws offa me! I ain't done yet. I just wanna thank Wanda for all the help she's been these past few years. I don't always remember things too good no more, but Wanda, she's got a mind like a... watchacall..." He paused, clearly searching for a word.

"Ooh, a steel trap, Mr. Diamond?"

He snapped his fingers, pointing at her. "Yeah, that's it. Thanks Wanda, and thanks to all youse guys for this honor." He started back to his seat, but quickly turned back, raising a finger. "Oh, and one more thing. I wanna encourage all of youse to contribute to the Mystery Solvers Retirement Fund. I don't mind telling you this old detective don't have much of a nest egg built up. Guys like me, we need your help."

Claudette returned to the podium. "Our final nominee is the-"

"Dear, I'm still waiting on my guacamole."

She turned toward the kitchen, yelling now. "Would someone _please_ bring Mrs. Preakness some guacamole?" A waiter quickly appeared with a bowl, which Mrs. Preakness promptly pushed away as the speech went on. "Thank you. Now then, our final nominee is the late Sherlock Holmes. He is known worldwide for his incomparable skill at observation and deduction. Perhaps his most famous case is the Hound of the Baskervilles. Tonight, representing the family of Sherlock Holmes is his great-great grandniece, Alex Russo."

A younger girl, around twenty years old, stepped to the podium. She was dressed in a semi-formal fashion, a nice dark green sweater and a pair of khaki pants. She smoothed her long dark hair before speaking.

"Thank you. I'm very pleased to be here representing my great-great granduncle in the company of so many prestigious detectives. As Sherlock always said-"

Then, right in the middle of her speech, a young woman came charging in from the audience, carrying a large sign and shouting "Up with Watson, down with Holmes! Up with Watson, down with Holmes!"

Wimberly stood quickly. "Here now! What's the meaning of this?"

Claudette stood as well, albeit more aggressively. "How dare you interrupt our dinner?"

Finally Chief Stanton stepped in. "Young lady, I warned you not to come here tonight!"

Wimberly looked toward him. "Chief Stanton, is this that Torres that's been stirring up trouble all week?"

Said girl looked indignant at this, stepping up onto the stage as she spoke. "My name is Mitchie Torres, proud descendant of a long line of Watsons! Sherlock Holmes was a fraud! My great-great granduncle, Dr. Henry Watson, solved each and every one of Holmes's cases."

"That's preposterous!" Claudette interrupted, "Holmes was the genius. Watson just recorded the events."

"My great-great granduncle was too modest to admit what a great sleuth he was. He allowed his friend Sherlock to take the credit, just like this self-aggrandizing lunkhead is doing tonight!"

Now it was Alex's turn to look indignant, stabbing her finger toward Mitchie. "Hey, watch who you're calling... whatever it was you just called me."

Stanton attempted to take control. "Ms. Watson, you keep mouthing off to everyone like that, I'm gonna haul you off to the county jail!"

"Why, yes, some Jell-O would be lovely." Everyone turned to Mrs. Preakness with questioning looks for a moment, before getting back to their argument.

"A grave injustice is about to be committed here. I cannot stand idle and allow such a perversion of justice to take place. Up with Watson, down with Holmes! Up with Watson, down with Holmes!"

"I've heard enough of this claptrap. Lady, it was Sherlock Holmes and his faithful sidekick, Dr. Watson. Sidekick. Side-kick! Like the Lone Ranger and Tonto, Batman and Robin-"

"Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bob."

"Are you calling my great-great granduncle a dummy?"

"If the strings fit, wear 'em." Mitchie finished, crossing her arms and turning away from Alex, who by this point looked quite frustrated.

"Everyone, please be quiet. Ms. Watson, I assure you, we'll give ample consideration to your claims. But can't we at least continue our ceremonies?" Wimberly stated, trying to calm things down.

Mitchie's hands went to her hips. "Do you promise a fair hearing on the matter?"

"Yes! Now please, have a seat and let us go on." She reluctantly did as she was asked. "Ms. Russo, perhaps it would be best if we moved on? If that's all right with you."

"Of course, Captain Wimberly. I wouldn't want to disrupt the proceedings...as others have." She turned her head, staring at Mitchie as she returned to her seat.

Wimberly stepped back to the podium. "At this time, I'd like to ask Chief Harley Stanton to say a few words. Chief Stanton!"

"Howdy. I'm happier than a tick on a bulldog to be here tonight. Being the chief of police in a place like this, I haven't had the opportunity to solve as many cases as our nominees. But, if I could toot my own horn just a little, I'd like to tell you about the time ol' Farley Dunbar's prize coon dog showed up missin'. Let me tell you, there was lawmen from three states huntin' for that hound. They hunted up one side of his farm and down the other. Well, I figured the best way to find a coon dog was to think like a coon dog."

"That must have been a very simple task for you."

He looked over to Agatha, one eyebrow raised. "'Scuse me?"

"I was just asking for a basket of fruit, dear."

He shook his head, turning back to the podium. "Well, to make a long story short, yours truly found the dog. She'd just wandered into one of the old houses round here and gotten lost. All the old houses and buildings round here have lots of secret passageways for smuggling. And as a matter of fact-" He stopped suddenly as Jack began to snore loudly in his chair. Wanda noticed and pushed his arm.

"The Fat Man! He's gotta be in Zanzibar! I...what?" He looked around slowly, remembering where he was.

"Well, I guess I know when my time is up. At this time, it's my very great pleasure to reintroduce you to the president of the IAMS, Nathan Wimberly. Nate, come on up here and present this here award." He patted Wimberly on the back and returned to his seat.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present our first annual Hall of Fame award, and these gold coins to..." He opened the envelope slowly, everyone's eyes on him, "The family of Sherlock Holmes!" Alex stood with a fist pump, walking towards him, as everyone but Mitchie cheered. Then, as she reached him, the lights went out.

Stanton quickly took charge. "Okay everybody, just stay where you are. Does anybody have a flashlight?"

Jack rolled his eyes in the dark. "No, I left mine in my other jacket."

Claudette stood quickly. "I think there are some candles in the kitchen. I'll go get them." She headed that way, crashing through Alex on the way. "Oops, excusez moi."  
>Mitchie finally spoke up. "Did anyone think to try the light switch?" Everyone suddenly considered this, as a collective 'oh!' filled the room.<p>

Claudette crossed the room again. "I believe the light switch is right over here."

"Ow! That's my nose, you imbecile!" Mitchie yelped.

"Oops, excusez moi."

Mitchie crossed back to where Claudette had started. "Here's the light switch."

When the lights did come on, everyone was surprised to find Captain Wimberly slumped over the podium, a knife in his back.

Stanton approached him slowly. "Hold on now, everybody just calm down. Captain Wimberly, are you all right?"

Alex joined him, stepping forward. "Gee, he seems fine other than the _knife_ sticking out of his back!"

"He's dead!" Stanton exclaimed, Alex gesturing towards the knife, mouthing 'duh'.

"You know," Jack interrupted, "I'm not one to stick my nose where it don't belong, but shouldn't somebody maybe call the cops?"

"Hold on there now! I'm in charge here. This is under my jurisdiction. We'll handle this _my _way!" Stanton paused. "Ms. Pindu, why don't you go call the police."

Mitchie rolled her eyes. "The man _obviously _has a gift for leadership."

After a short silence, Mrs. Preakness spoke up. "With all due respect, Chief Stanton, but while we are waiting for the police, isn't it possible...oh dear me, I do ramble on so...but isn't it possible the murderer is making his escape?"

Stanton jumped a little, the thought just occurring to him. "Okay, everybody stay where you are! Nobody move! Who's missing?"

Finally Wanda spoke. "Well, other than Ms. Pindu, everybody is exactly where they were when the lights went out... other than Captain Wimberly. Oh, by the way, wasn't the captain holding a bag full of gold coins?" Everyone looked around, remembering them nearly simultaneously.

Mrs. Preakness never left her seat, calmly stating "Maybe they're on the ground."

Claudette entered from the kitchen, one hand held behind her back. "Excusez moi."

"If you want my guess, when we find the murderer we'll find the coins." Jack told Stanton.

"Excusez moi."

"What makes you so sure it was a murder?" Stanton questioned back.

Alex and Mitchie looked towards him together. "Stabbing oneself in the back is not a common method of suicide!" They turned and stared at each other before shaking their heads. The group then started arguing again.

"Excusez moi!" Claudette screamed.

"What is it, girl?" The argument stopped as everyone faced her.

"The phones are dead!" She spoke over a crack of thunder.

Stanton brushed it off. "Well, it's probably the storm."

"I don't think so!"

Jack's head tilted. "Why not, shweetheart?"

She brought her arm forward to reveal half of a phone. "Because the phone was ripped out of the wall!"

This was generally upsetting news for everyone. Stanton had all could do trying to regain control of the situation. "Okay, let's get calm here folks. There's nothing to worry about. When I don't check in, my deputies will come over here to check things out."

"When will that be?" Jack asked, turning around to face him.

Stanton's shoulders shrugged, he looked somewhat sheepish. "Uh, about six a.m. tomorrow."

Alex threw her hands up, pacing in a short circle. "Swell! So we're trapped in here with a murderer until then?"

"Not necessarily. We could simply leave."

"Uh-unh Mrs. Preakness. Nobody leaves here until this mystery is solved."

"Then perhaps we should turn our attention to finding the murderer, before the murderer turns his attention to us!"

"Well, if I had my guess, it would be that hot-headed young vixen over there." Stanton pointed to Mitchie. "We all know she had a bone to pick with Wimberly, and Holmes getting the award could have put her over the edge!"

Mitchie rolled her eyes at him. "Good thinking chief! It was really clever of me to stab him while _standing over here_. You might consider the finalists. They were a bit closer, especially Ms. Russo." She finished, pointing toward Alex.

Alex, in turn, looked shocked. "What motive did I have? I was getting the money anyway, and why would I kill Wimberly?"

Jack turned his attention to her now. "Well chum, you may not have had a motive, but you definitely had the best opportunity. You were right next to him when the lights went out."

Alex became indignant, pointing over to Claudette. "So was Claudette Pindu, and everyone knows she and Mr. Wimberly didn't get along!"

"Captain Wimberly was like a father to me. I would never have killed him!"

Mitchie walked in front of her. "Not even for a sack full of gold?"

Claudette glared at Mitchie for a moment before turning to Jack. "If anyone needed the money, it was Mr. Diamond. He told everyone he's bankrupt!"

Agatha interrupted as always. "Each and everyone of us is a potential suspect. We should not start placing blame until we have more facts."

"Well," Stanton started, "one way or another, we're all here until this case is solved. No way am I gonna let a potential murder suspect waltz out that door." Everyone seemed somewhat saddened by the news.

"Well, let's try to look on the bright side." The group turned to look questioningly at Wanda as a silence fell over the room.

Alex was the first to speak, going back to her pacing. "My award was stolen, a man was killed, I'm locked up here with a hick sheriff, a bunch of old detectives, and a woman who spends her life maligning my ancestors. How much _brighter_ can it get?"

"No, really. With all you great detectives, especially Jack," she leaned into his arm,"this case should be snap to solve." She finished, actually snapping as she said it.

It was Mitchie that spoke next. "I wouldn't be too sure of that. Mrs. Preakness was right when she said we're all potential suspects. But if one of us is a murderer, he or she is going to be tough to catch. No one in the world knows more about killing someone than a detective. And if one of us is the murderer, then the rest of us could be victims!"

**So there's scene one. I hope you enjoyed the murder and alliteration. I'm gonna get to work on scene two once I get back from Atlanta on the 30th. But for now, who do you think dunnit? Let me know. ~SGM**


	2. Chapter 2

Murder At The Banquet

** Alright, so here's scene 2! Thanks to everybody that reviewed it. It got such a great response I got right on the next one, so here you go, earlier than planned! I also planned out four chapters of a new story for after this a couple days ago, so good news for everybody. I don't really have too much else to say, so let's get to it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story or the play it's from. Robert Lavohn wrote the original script. I was an actor in it though. I had Alex's part.**

Chief Stanton quickly crossed to where Claudette stood. "All right, listen up! I'm gonna see if I can fix that phone. Don't nobody go nowhere, and don't touch anything!" He headed into the kitchen.

Claudette turned to follow him, stating "I have to inform the kitchen staff about poor Mr. Wimberly."

As she was about to leave though, Mrs. Preakness interrupted her. "Excuse me, young lady, but if you're going to the kitchen, I should like very much to go with you. I feel I must give my compliments to the chef! His hors d'oeuvres were simply scrumptious!" She slowly hobbled her way over to follow Claudette. Meanwhile, Alex and Mitchie began examining the area around Wimberly's body.

Jack took out a newspaper and looked to Wanda. "Well toots, looks like we got nothing better to do here than to cool our heels with a dead guy."

"Oh, gee, boss, do you think he's really dead?"

"Let me put it this way, the next time he goes to a shoe store, they'll have to take the toe tag off first." She stared at him, her expression blank. Jack shook his head, sighing. "Yeah, he's really dead. But don't worry, shweetheart. Ol' Jack'll take good care of you."

She leaned on his arm again. "Thanks boss. That means a lot to me." Alex and Mitchie had been examining Wimberly through all of this, but now they backed into each other, both turning quickly. Alex's fists rose, looking like a boxer, while Mitchie was on one leg, prepared to kick her face in.

Alex dropped her hands for a moment, studying Mitchie. "Wow, that's really impressive. Judging from that, I'd guess you'd be good at..."

Mitchie seemed somewhat pleased. "At what? I'd be good at what?"

Alex looked off to the side innocently. "I was just going to say you'd make a really good sidekick!"

"A what? Sidekick? I'll show you sidekick, buster! Hiii-yaaa!" She did, too, aiming a few side-kicks at where Alex's head was before the other girl ducked out of the way. They kept going until Alex ran into a wall, then she ducked to the side, and the chase began again. "No Watson has ever been a sidekick! You're even dumber than that pretentious great-great granduncle of yours!"

By this point, Jack had moved behind the body and was thinking, trying stabs with his paper. The girls crossed behind him, Alex moving him into the middle for a shield. They went around a couple times before Mitchie through him out of the way, Alex shouting back the whole time. "Oh yeah? If Sherlock was so dumb, how dumb did your great-great granduncle have to be? He was only a _sidekick_!" They continued the chase a bit longer.

"Hey youse guys. Come look at this." Jack stopped the chase, the girls keeping their distance as they joined him behind the corpse, Wanda coming as well.

Mitchie spoke first. "Hm. I see what you mean. That is unusual."

Alex was confused. "I agree. Very unusual. Uh... what is?"

"Oh, come on, Alex! Isn't it obvious? The angle of the blade!"

Alex nodded quickly. "Right, the angle of the blade." She paused, her head tilting, before turning to Jack and setting a hand on his shoulder. "Exactly what is it about the angle of the blade I should be noticing?"

Mitchie rolled her eyes at this, muttering, "Spoken like a true sidekick."

Alex started to reply, but Jack silenced her. "Look here, Ms. Russo. Normally, when someone is stabbed, the blade comes this way." He motioned with his paper like a knife again. Then he looked to Alex. "Stand here." She moved in front of him, and the much shorter man's left arm went around her neck, bending her backwards, nearly parallel with the floor. "The blade sort of goes down like this. You see?"

At this point, Mitchie interrupted. "No, I'm sorry Mr. Diamond, but I must disagree. Most murderers don't use the Sicilian grip anymore." She grabbed Wanda, who was quite a bit shorter than her. "Particularly if the blow came from the left side. If the murderer was left-handed... may I borrow your paper?"

"Oh, sure." He walked it over, dragging Alex along for the ride.

"See? From this side, the killer would have used a Bangladesh side-hand movement, which would have driven the blade up this way." They both dragged their 'captives' over to Wimberly's body.

"But really, this blade doesn't fit that either."

"You're right. I've never seen a wound like it."

They continued trying out their various stabbing methods for a bit before Claudette entered from the kitchen, looking seriously confused. "Excusez moi?"

Everyone turned to look at her as best they could and spoke simultaneously. "Yes?"

"Am I interrupting something?" The group shook their heads, releasing each other. "I was just speaking with the chef. He had a very good idea for taking care of the body." They looked at each other, then shook their heads again, this time from disgust. "No, you don't understand. The chef suggests we freeze it for later." More reactions of disgust, with Jack muttering something about 'dead guy a la mode,' and Alex whispering 'that's just not right.' "I mean, we should put the body in the freezer where it will be safe until it can be examined." Now they all understood, that option sounding much more acceptable.

"That's a good idea, Ms. Pindu." Mitchie agreed.

Alex stepped forward out of the group. "Not so fast, Miss Smarty Pants. Putting the body in the freezer might destroy valuable evidence."

"So could leaving the body out here."

"The police haven't even been here yet."

"I really believe this is the best course of action."

"Who put _you _in charge?"

"Who asked for _your _opinion?"

Finally Jack stopped the argument, raising a finger as he spoke. "Look, you guys do what you want with the body. We're gonna go check out the basement. I just thought of something." He and Wanda then headed that way.

Alex and Mitchie saw him off together. "Fine Jack, see you later."

As they exited, Wanda could be heard to say, "Oh boss, you're so detectivey!"

Then Alex rounded on Mitchie again. "You are so pig-headed!"

She shot back. "You are so obnoxious!"

"You are a moron!"

"You are an imbecile!"

Then Wanda could be heard again from down in the basement. "Gee, it's really dark down here. Boss, can we turn on a light?"

"The light's already on. This place is just really dark."

There was a lull in the sounds from the basement, so Alex threw in another insult. "You are an idiot!"

"You are a buffoon!"

As Alex went to continue their argument, her eyes caught Mitchie's, and they both paused, staring at each other, both letting out a much calmer sounding "You..."

Then Claudette came up behind Alex and squelched their moment. "Excusez moi. There is still the body to deal with"

Alex finally conceded. "Mitchie's right. We need to put him somewhere safer."

Stanton, who had come back from the kitchen unnoticed a short time ago, pitched in now. "Why don't we put him in the freezer?"

Mitchie looked at him, seeming a bit suspicious. "Yes, yes that's what we were just saying. Alex , why don't you and the chief move the body into the kitchen?"

Stanton nodded, looking to her. "Come with me girl, I have just the thing."

Once they left, Mitchie turned to Claudette. "Ms. Pindu, I couldn't help but notice that you and Captain Wimberly seemed a bit... at odds." At this point, Stanton and Alex reentered with a dessert cart, proceeding to flop the corpse back onto it unceremoniously. They then headed back to the kitchen, nearly running down Mrs. Preakness on her way back into the room.

Claudette sighed. "Yes, it's true. We had been fighting. But I did not kill him. I didn't!"

"What were you fighting about?"

"We disagreed about the awards ceremony."

"So you didn't want Alex to win either?"

"Oh, no. I was very pleased. I like Ms. Russo very much. She's very beautiful, don't you think?"

Mitchie was at a loss for a second. "I... hadn't thought about it. If it wasn't Alex, what was the problem?"

"I'm afraid it was personal. More than that, I will not say." Her hands went to her hips as she leaned forward a little. "Why are you questioning me? I've already maintained my innocence."

"Ms. Pindu, I can't help but feel that you're hiding something!"

"Perhaps by accusing me you believe that you can throw suspicion off yourself?"

"Ms. Pindu, would you be willing to write down the fact that you're innocent?"

"Write it down?"

"Yes." She grabbed an extra notepad and pen from her seat. "Please write down 'I am innocent' and then sign it."

"I believe this is preposterous, but if it will establish my innocence..." She took the pen, then began anxiously switching it back and forth.

"What is the problem?"

Claudette was slightly angry again. "I am very nervous, and when I am nervous, I become ambidextrous!"

"Fascinating. Thank you, Ms. Pindu. You've been very helpful."

Agatha, who'd been watching the entire conversation, spoke up now. "Claudette dear, could you please get me a glass of ice water? I am virtually parched with the heat."

Claudette's teeth gritted. "_Of course,_ Mrs. Preakness. I'll be right back with your water!" She headed back to the kitchen.

Agatha took a seat now, turning to Mitchie. "Gracious, what an evening. But at least the kitchen was a pleasant surprise. Absolutely gorgeous. The chef has everything arranged so perfectly. The flatware stacked, the glasses in rows, the cutlery-"

"Yes, I'm sure that's very interesting Mrs. Preakness. But this is more important. I think Ms. Pindu is involved in the murder. If she stabbed him, she could have used either hand. She's ambidextrous! And that might explain the unusual angle of the blade!"

"Yes dear, that's fascinating, but about the cutlery..."

Foster and Claudette now returned from the kitchen, along with Chief Stanton, who crossed the room without speaking. Claudette approached Agatha. "Here's your water, Mrs. Preakness."

Meanwhile, Mitchie turned to Alex, who'd moved to her other side. "Where's Chief Stanton going?"

"He heard someone down in the basement and went to check it out." Alex responded.

"That was probably Jack and Wanda. They've been down there a while. I hope everything's okay."

"If it is, it will be the first time tonight. What were you talking to Mrs. Preakness about?"

"What does it matter?" She shook her head. "She won't remember anything. It's so sad, Alex. She was my idol growing up. Well, she and Dr. Watson of course." Alex rolled her eyes at this. "But now, now she just can't seem to focus. She's always babbling on about something meaningless or sending Ms. Pindu on some errand."

Alex leaned past her to look at Claudette, who blew her a kiss. "Speaking of Claudette, she seems rather nice, don't you think?"

"Now, listen here Alex! Stay away from her! I think she's dangerous!"

"I appreciate your concern for my welfare."

"Hunh! It's always sarcasm with you, isn't it?"

"No, I mean it. It means a lot that you're looking out for me."

Mitchie seemed a bit surprised, but also very sincere as she responded with a slight blush and a "Thanks, Alex."

Then Stanton returned from the basement with Jack and Wanda. "I found these folks looking around downstairs. Didn't I tell y'all to stay put?"

Jack shook the arm off his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Youse guys check this out. Me and Wanda found it in the fuse box."

Everyone crowded around to look, except Mrs. Preakness, who stayed in her seat.

Alex was confused again. "What is it?"

Mitchie grabbed the thing from Jack's hand. "Elementary, my dear Russo. This device temporarily bypasses a fuse, breaks the circuit, then automatically resets it. The resulting blackout looks like a normal occurrence!"

"Oh, boss, that's just what you said!" Wanda exclaimed.

Stanton then grabbed the device. "Just hold on a pig-knuckled minute! Are you saying that somebody planted this device?"

Everyone looked at him. "Yes." They all said.

"Somebody turned the lights off on purpose?"

"Yes!" They all continued.

"Somebody did all this just so they could kill Captain Wimberly?"

"_Yes_!"

At this point, Mrs. Preakness interrupted again. "You know, as I was saying before, when I was in the kitchen, I noticed how tidy the staff has kept it."

"Mrs. Preakness, with all due respect," Chief Stanton butted in, "we've got bigger fish to fry right now."

Mitchie stepped between them. "Come on chief, let's hear her out!"

"Thank you, my dear. Now, I noticed that each bit of silverware had a designated spot. Every fork, every spoon... and every knife." The others all leaned in a bit at this, becoming more interested. "Every knife was in its spot, with the distinctive pattern on the handle quite visible. Every knife, that is, except one small paring knife. If we remove the knife from the poor captain's body, I am quite sure we will find the missing paring knife."

Stanton scoffed. "Well, that's a real surprise. Mrs. Preakness, we know he was stabbed, and it sure makes sense that somebody would use a knife that was already around here."

Then Alex stepped forward, rocking on her heels in anticipation as she spoke. "Maybe we should get the kitchen staff in here. We could grill them, rake them over the coals, see who spills the beans." She looked around, but no one was laughing. "Get it?" She moved along the group, asking each person. "The kitchen staff? Grill? Coals? _Beans?_" When still no one laughed, she threw her hands up in defeat, returning to her original spot.

Mitchie gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Anyone could have gotten the knife from the kitchen." She continued somewhat guiltily. "It's even possible that I gave the murderer the opportunity to get the murder weapon when I interrupted the banquet." At that everyone began arguing again, Jack trying more stab methods while Stanton yelled at him, Alex and Mitchie in each others faces again.

Agatha stood for the first time in a while, seeming to tremble just a bit as she spoke, her tone immediately drawing everyone's attention. "The point you are all missing is this. A paring knife may have a large handle, but it has a relatively small blade. The only way such a small knife could cause death so quickly would be to sever a major artery. When Captain Wimberly's body was transported to the kitchen, I noticed that there was only a small amount of blood around the wound. Given these facts, I must conclude that Captain Wimberly was not stabbed to death! In fact, I'm quite sure that he was poisoned!"

The group was shocked. "Poisoned?" They all questioned.

"But how can you be so sure?" Alex asked.

Mrs. Preakness handed her glass to Claudette. "Because it seems I have just been poisoned myself!" And she collapsed, dead.

**So there's scene 2. Surprising, eh? I have a feeling you might be able to figure it out now, if you really paid attention. But if you can't tell, that's why there's another chapter coming. This one will definitely be after I get back though, as we're leaving at four a.m. tomorrow. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and keep watch for the last chapter of this, and then that new story I was talking about. Big things ahead! ~SGM**


	3. Chapter 3

Murder At The Banquet

**I got back from Atlanta yesterday, so now here's scene 3 for y'all! With this chapter, this is officially my longest story for the moment. Also, if it gets just 5 more reviews it'll be my most reviewed story ever. So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story or the play it's from. Robert Lavohn wrote the original script. I was an actor in it though. I had Alex's part.**

Later on, Mrs. Preakness' body was moved to the freezer as well. After that, everyone returned to the main dining room from the kitchen. Stanton was the first to speak.

"Ain't this a fine kettle of catfish! Two people dead and the murderer still on the loose!"

Wanda shook a little. "Oh boss, I'm scared. I mean, who's gonna be next, ya know?"

Jack responded confidently, trying to reassure her. "Don't worry Wanda. I'll find the guy responsible."

"What makes you so sure it's a guy, Diamond?" Stanton cut in. "I'm still not sure about Miss Torres over there. She spent a lot of time alone with her. She could have poisoned her. Probably put it in the water. She was drinking that right before she died!"

"Don't be ridiculous! Mitchie didn't give her the water. I did!" Everyone slowly turned to look at Claudette. "I didn't kill her!"

"Then who put the poison in the ice water?" Chief Stanton questioned.

Mitchie stepped forward now, trying to put an end to the newest argument. "Anyone could have put the poison in the water. We were so busy arguing about the knife that none of us would have noticed. But we don't even know that the water was poisoned. She might have been poisoned at dinner. We all might have been."

"All of a sudden I don't feel so well." Wanda started to swoon, Alex moving to catch her and Jack crossing to her from in front of the other table.

"Wanda! Is it poison?" He asked worriedly.

"No, I'm just really, really scared!"

They all waved off the false alarm, Jack returning to his spot while Alex spoke. "Let's just calm down. We need to decide on our next logical course of action."

"You're right Alex. And the only logical thing to do is split up and search for clues."

"Hold on there lady." Stanton interrupted Mitchie from across the room. "This ain't Scooby Doo. What good is splittin' us up gonna do? _Unless, _maybe you wanna knock us off one by one!"

She regarded him with obvious disgust. "Stanton, I don't want to get close enough to you to kill you. It's simple. While we wait, the evidence we need may already be deteriorating. Besides, safety in numbers doesn't seem to help much. Both murders occurred when we were all together. Maybe the killer likes to operate in front of a crowd. Our best bet is to flush him," She paused to look pointedly toward Claudette, "_or her_ out in the open. If we discover a clue, the murderer may be kept unaware of it until it's too late. Also, we still have the award money to find. Chances are the murderer hid it somewhere around here."

Jack nodded. "I think splitting up makes a lot of sense. Wanda and me will check out the basement for more clues." He started turning to the door.

Alex crossed to the other table, turning him back around with a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry Jack, I don't think that' s a good idea."

He got in her face. "Oh yeah, girlie? Why?"

"We can't afford to trust anybody right now. If one of you is the killer, chances are the other one might be involved. I don't think we can afford to let the two of you get off by yourselves."

"The boss wouldn't kill a fly. Unless it really deserved it!" Everyone shook their heads at Wanda.

Mitchie tried advancing the plans. "Everyone's a suspect. I'll check out the basement. And I think Miss Pindu should come with me."

"Thank you, but no thank you. I would prefer to go with Alex. She can protect me if we run into danger."

Alex scuffed her shoe, looking down with a slight blush. "Well, I... I mean, I guess... we're gonna check out the kitchen." She moved behind Claudette's chair, then watched the others.

"Well then I'll go to the basement with Miss Watson." Stanton nodded.

"Sorry, hillbilly-boy, but I'm going to the basement too. Wanda will stay here so you guys won't think I'm running off."

"I'll keep an eye on Wanda. I want to check out a few things here. Let's meet back here in about... fifteen minutes?" Mitchie looked to the group, who all nodded their approval of the plan. Then Jack and the Chief pushed each other back and forth in a race to get to the basement first. Alex pulled out Claudette's chair, then the other woman took her arm as they headed to the kitchen.

Wanda watched them go. "Gee, Miss Torres, I didn't know that Miss Pindu and Miss Russo were a couple."

Mitchie looked a bit perturbed at this. "Neither did I. I wonder if... no, Alex wouldn't kill anyone. Would she?"

There was a lengthy pause. "Was that one of those rhetorical thingies, or was I supposed to answer?"

"Never mind, Wanda. Look, I need to go over some things here. Could you take some notes for me while I think?"

"I'm sorry. I don't take dictation."

"You don't? But you're a _secretary_. Why would he hire you if... _oh_, never mind. If you could just listen. It helps me think if I talk things over." She crossed back to Wimberly's seat.

"No problem."

"Seat appears normal, no evidence of poisoned needles. Food looks good, no sign of discoloration. Iced tea with ice melted..." She paused, thinking, before shaking her head. "I wish I had paid more attention to where people were and what they were doing and eating and drinking."

"Oh, well let's see," Wanda crossed behind each chair in turn as she spoke, "Chief Stanton introduced Captain Wimberly, patted him on the back, then sat down right over here. Chief Stanton had the regular entree with iced tea, no sugar. He put blue cheese dressing on his salad. Miss Pindu sat there, and she had only a plain salad with her tea, no ice. She added one sugar. Then there was Mr. Wimberly standing here, except after the lights went out he was like this." She bent forward like the corpse. "He had the regular entree with iced tea and sugar, and a salad with Thousand Island. Over here was Mrs. Preakness, who had tea with artificial sweetener and a regular entree. Her salad had oil and vinegar. Oh, she also had that bowl of guacamole. Then the boss sat here. He had the regular entree, but didn't eat any 'cause he says it gives him indigestion. He had iced tea with lots of sugar. The boss never eats salad. Then there was me, and I just had a salad with fat free dressing, 'cause I'm watching my figure. I had water to drink. Then here was Miss Russo, and she had the regular entree and the salad, with ranch dressing, plus iced tea with both sugar and artificial sweetener."

Mitchie gaped at her. "_That_ is incredible."

Wanda's hands went to her hips as she spoke confidently. "He didn't just hire me for my looks, sister."

"Wanda, I think we need to check something out in the basement." They left right before Alex and Claudette came back from the kitchen.

Alex stopped in the middle of the room. "Well, we didn't find any new evidence in the kitchen." She paused, looking around the empty room. "Where is everybody?"

"I haven't a clue. But to be honest Alex, I'm glad we're alone." Claudette started carefully applying her lipstick as Alex continued looking around. "Alex?" She followed the other girl. "I want you to know how much I admire you. You are so smart and so beautiful." She grabbed Alex's shoulders, turning her around. "You are the only one I can trust!" She finished, puckering her lips and closing her eyes.

"Pindu. That's a French name, isn't it?" Alex asked, completely oblivious to the other girl's intentions

"Excusez moi?" Claudette asked, not moving.

"Your name is French, isn't it?"

Claudette turned away angrily. "Oui! But so what? Honestly Alex, you make me so mad I could-"

"Kill me?" Alex finished for her. Then there was a noise at the basement door as the rest of the group emerged. "Ah, I'm glad you're all back. I have an announcement to make. The murderer is Claudette Pindu!"

They all gathered around, muttering in shock, before Mitchie spoke. "Fascinating. How did you discover this?"

"Elementary, my dear Torres. Her last name, Pindu, is French. In fact, it's an anagram for Dupin. Her first name is Claudette. You take off the first letter and you get 'C' 'laudette.' Thus, her first initial is 'C.' The rest of her first name refers to someone whom you might laud or praise, someone you might consider august. And her last name is, in reality, Dupin. Thus, it is obvious who she is and why she killed Captain Wimberly and Mrs. Preakness."

There was a pause, then Jack stepped toward her. "Well, maybe it's obvious to you, but just between the two of us, I don't think anybody else has any idea what you're talking about pal!"

"Allow me, Mr. Diamond." Mitchie moved to the center of the group. "Alex is suggesting that Claudette Pindu is the great-great granddaughter of C. Auguste Dupin, the famous French detective whose exploits were recorded by Edgar Allan Poe. Alex would then have us believe she killed Captain Wimberly and Mrs. Preakness as an act of revenge because her ancestor was not a finalist. Was that it Alex?"

She shrugged sheepishly. "Well, not exactly. Actually, I figured she killed them both because she's French and they were British, and everyone knows French people hate British people."

Stanton shook his head sadly. "Girl, if stupid was eggs, you'd have omelets every day, wouldn't you?"

Wanda looked hopeful. "Well, at least we know who the murderer is, right?"

"I don't think so." All heads turned to Jack as he explained himself. "I mean, sure she had the chance to poison Preakness, and maybe she had the chance to poison Wimberly too. But there's one thing she couldn't have done. Watch this." He moved to the lights, dimming them before tossing his newspaper toward Claudette. Everyone else stepped out of the way, but she never moved, simply jumping in surprise when it hit her. "Remember how when the lights went out she was stumbling over everyone? Then later she refused to go down to the basement, which is really dark. That made me think maybe she can't see so well in the dark. That little trick just clinched it."

Stanton looked confused and impatient. "Well, what's the point here?"

"There's no way she could have planted the electrical device that turned off the lights. It's too dark in the basement for her to see, even with the lights on and a flashlight."

Alex looked disappointed. "Well, I guess there's no way she could have stabbed Wimberly either. It was too dark when that happened."

Mitchie cleared her throat. "Actually Alex, she could have. Wimberly was stabbed while the lights were still on! But don't worry Claudette, I don't think you're the murderer. You're not bright enough." Claudette's hands went to her hips, while everyone else was still somewhat shocked. "However, the discovery we made in the basement shows how the murder was committed and how the murderer expected to get away with it."

Alex's eyes rolled. "_This_ ought to be interesting."

"While we were down in the basement, we checked out the garbage cans. There's a garbage chute that drops directly down from the kitchen. Inside one of the cans, Jack found evidence of... kossover melon."

A confused Claudette spoke. "I've never heard of this kossover melon."

"It's a rare tropical plant whose fruit is extremely toxic. When I realized that kossover melon was involved, the murder all made sense. We'd all assumed Wimberly had been stabbed, until Mrs. Preakness declared he'd been poisoned. The kossover melon was the perfect choice. It begins by numbing the nerves of the thorax. Eventually, the victim experiences total cardiovascular arrest."

Alex seemed excited now. "I get it! Whoever killed him waited until the nerves were sufficiently numb, then stabbed him. He never even noticed! Then, when the poison took full effect, Wimberly collapsed!"

"Elementary, my dear Russo. That's why Mrs. Preakness's observation about the knife was so important. The killer had to use a small knife so Wimberly wouldn't be instantly killed, but the handle had to be big enough to make us assume he'd been stabbed to death. When the killer realized the poison was about to finish Wimberly off, he triggered the lights by remote control."

"But where was the poison?" Claudette asked.

"Kossover melon juice can be frozen. When it's frozen, it's non-poisonous. But if allowed to melt, say in Captain Wimberly's tea, it becomes lethal again. Interestingly, once the poison is absorbed into the body, freezing renders it undetectable. Since we put the bodies in the freezer, we never would have known what the poison was... if Jack and I hadn't found the traces of kossover melon in the garbage."

"Now hold on there missy." Stanton interrupted again. "I was right there with you in the basement, and I _know _you didn't find any kossover melon peels in the trash."

"You're absolutely right Chief. There were no peels. But I never said anything about peels. I just said traces. The paper towels the killer wiped his hands on were soaked with the juice. The only way you would know about the peels is if you peeled the fruit yourself with the paring knife, then put the peels down the garbage disposal when you poisoned the tray of ice. The same tray you used to poison both victims!"

He started backing up slowly. "What? What are you talking about?"

"The jig is up Chief. After Wanda went over the details of dinner, I knew it had to be you who stabbed him. The reason the angle of the blade is so strange is that you stabbed him when you patted him on the back! You knew by that time he wouldn't even feel it. And you almost got away with it!"

"I'll still get away with it! You're not pinning it on me. Not while I can still do this!" He raised his hand, and the lights went out again.

"Grab him!" Alex shouted.

"I have him!"

"You French idiot, that's me!" Mitchie yelled to Claudette.

"Ow!"

"Sorry Jack!" Alex apologized.

"Could someone get the lights please?" Claudette asked.

"I've got them!" Wanda exclaimed. As the lights came up, Stanton was face down on the ground, Alex had a foot on his back. Jack was madly swinging his fists... at the tables. Mitchie had managed to get Alex in a headlock.

Jack turned around. "Good work, youse guys."

Alex looked up at Mitchie as well as she could. "Uh, I think you can let go of me now."

"Oh, right."

"I could have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids."

"Why, Stanton? Why did you do it?" Jack asked him.

"Are you stupid or what? I did it for the money. There's no money in being police chief in a place like this. I had my retirement all planned out. And now it's all ruined! Ruined!"

"Waiters!" Claudette called. "Come take this boorish oaf away!" And they did, the three of them easily hauling him off, with Claudette bringing up the rear of the group.

Mitchie turned to Alex. "Well, Alex, I guess that about wraps it up. Obviously Stanton pulled the phone out of the wall in advance, right after he poisoned the ice. Later, he saw Mrs. Preakness snooping around in the kitchen. When she figured out the knife couldn't be the murder weapon, he poisoned her too. I'm betting he distracted Claudette and dropped some of the poisoned ice in Mrs. Preakness's glass. He probably guessed we'd assume she died of natural causes."

"Yeah, I guess that about wraps it up. Wait a second, what about the money?"

"Hmm, I forgot about that."

"Well, I'm sure he must have stashed it somewhere around here. We'll find it eventually. Besides, I'm donating it all to the Mystery Solver's Retirement Fund anyway."

"Do you think anyone will ever find that money?" Wanda asked Jack.

"Man, my memory must be getting worse." He took the bag of gold out of his pocket. "I found this down in the trash when nobody was looking. I figured that Stanton must have dropped it down the garbage chute when he went back into the kitchen with the broken phone. He probably planned to get the gold later when he picked up the gadget that shut off the lights, but I found it first. I'll just donate it to the Mystery Solvers Retirement Fund like she said."

"But boss, you're the only retired mystery solver."

"Hm. Now that you mention it, I _am_." He hugged the bag close to his chest.

"Well Alex, I have to admit. Donating all that money, that's pretty generous." Mitchie told her.

"Well, my family's accumulated a large fortune over the years. I really don't need it."

"Of course, that money by all rights should belong to _my _family."

"Don't start that again Mitchie. Sidekicks get maybe twenty percent. That's a number you should start getting used to if you wanna work as my sidekick!"

"Your sidekick! _Your sidekick? _If anything, you should pay me to work as my sidekick! Who figured out the poison? Who..." Their argument was lost as they headed out the door, leaving just Jack and Wanda in the room.

"Gee boss, I really thought they might get together in the end."

"I think they will, toots. Like somebody said, the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans in a crazy, mixed up world like this. I think that could be the start of a beautiful relationship."

Meanwhile, the girls had made it to the parking lot. "But who's the rich one?" Alex asked cockily.

"Really? That's your big comeback?" Mitchie seemed unimpressed.

Alex had reached the side of her car, but turned back to Mitchie before unlocking it. "Rich beats everything. Rich implies great results and respect. Rich- mmh!" Her speech was cut of as Mitchie attacked her lips and they fell into a rough kiss against the car. Alex was squished to the door as Mitchie attempted to make Siamese twins joined at the lips, deepening the bruising kiss whenever possible.

Eventually though, they needed air and broke apart. Mitchie's hand rose to caress Alex's cheek. "You make me so furious. And God help me, I _love _it." Then she quickly attached their lips again.

Jack and Wanda came out of the building not long after, him shouting "Turn off that racket!"

The girls broke apart. Finally noticing they'd set off Alex's car alarm. Mitchie looked somewhat embarrassed. "Um... so... see you around." She hurried off to her own vehicle, leaving Alex still stunned from the kiss. She turned off the alarm, then turned to look at Jack.

"Whatcha waitin' for girl?" Go get her!" He pointed after Mitchie, and Alex nodded and took off.

** The end. Yup, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it. Did you figure it out before they did? It was a lot of fun writing this for you guys, so I hope it was fun to read too. My new mood fang necklace says it was. It also says... hold on, what's that necklace? You think they should review with their thoughts? What a coincidence! I thought so too! You don't wanna disappoint the mood fang, do ya? ~SGM**


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